many years ago i thought about writing a book and calling it “how they met”.  i’m fairly certain there is a book out there with that title but i’m not sure it’s about the same thing i wanted my book to be about.

this was pre-blob, pre-social networking sites, pre-twitter.  i’ve always enjoyed hearing the stories of how couples met, best friends, enemies, etc.  when i was traveling, i came into contact with lots of people all over the place and thought i could gather a lot more data for my hair brained idea of a book.

i never started it, never wrote any of it down and now the time has passed and someone else has already done it.

having this blob, i’ve come into contact with lots of people from all over the world.  the most contact i’ve ever gotten on any post has been about our awesome couch. 

the night we purchased the couch (we learned we’d have to wait two months for it) i scoured the internet for photos.  there were none.

it’s like going down a dead end road, you are surprised that the internet has a stopping place.  WHAT?  no information or pictures of this thing?  i though the internet held the answers to every question i could ever think to ask? 

ding dang, dude.

so after we got the couch, i took lots of photos.  lots and lots of them.  since doing so other folks that were in search of this magical couch found my blob and sent in questions.  i’ve measured the couch and my doorway in order to help folks out there that want the couch.

many ask if we are still happy with the couch, two years later and it’s always a YES YES YES.

well, one of the folks that found my blob via the couch search is none other than mr. & mrs. ookami snow. 

they are the proud owners of the magical couch like ours!  and by ours i mean us AND them!  WE HAVE THE SAME COUCH!

AND WE MET THROUGH THE BLOB ON THE POST ABOUT THE COUCH.

CAN YOU HEAR MY SCREAMS?  ISN’T THAT AWESOME?  NO?  WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD’VE EATEN THAT BANANA FOR BREAKFAST B/C BANANAS MAKE PEOPLE FEEL GOOD.  REALLY!

(i’m certain i’ve warned before that i am much like steve martin in the movie, “the jerk” after he saw his name in the phonebook.  i’m still like that!)

if you’ve been over to mr. snow’s blob, you already know he’s wicked funny and has many, many great ideas about stuff.  (one would be remiss to not hire him for a thinking tank, or as a consultant.)

you couldn’t do this kind of thing before the internet people, i mean how would you carry such a think on your horse or carriage?  it couldn’t happen that’s how.

you just had to suffer in your drab lives with no idea in the world that anyone else would be remotely interested in anything you have in your home.

please go and congratulate the snow’s on their most awesome magical couch purchase and tell them that i sent you over so they think i’m someone famous (which i’m not but pretend anyway).

they are saying “we’ve been waiting for you to wake up”.  every morning they do this to me, they want to know where THE FOOD IS.

i love this hand, can i keep it?

code name:  STUBBY

i bashful today

each animal has their “own” piece of furniture

clifford the big red dog is MINE!

i show you gurl how to get down and boogie like a honkey dog

my son has long hair, it’s his choice.  two years ago, he wanted it almost shaved.  his dad said he looked like a cancer patient with shaved hair. 

after trying to have hair wars with the girl, i have learned to just let them do what they will with their hair. 

today the boy came home and said his classmates said they were going to bring scissors to school and cut his hair.  one said they would be bringing a knife.  (i know this sounds harsh but i’m pretty sure as second graders, they are kidding.)

then he said the lunchroom people call him “princess” and “sweetheart”.  i asked him if it bothered him, and he said no.  he seems to understand they are being snarky.

if this had happened to the girl, you would’ve heard her for MILES AROUND and most likely i would’ve gone up there and threatened the lunch room people.  because i am crazy like that and my only mothering skills came from the wolves.  that live in the wild.

i’ve since cleaned up my act (a little) and haven’t threatened anyone in a good long time.  YAY ME.  the boy doesn’t require my back up (neither did the girl but i thought she did i got into a whole lot of crazy RESCUING behavior with her that i now know was not such a good idea). 

i told the boy i would ask my resident long haired friend sterling how he handled such atrocities as a youth.  any of my other resident long haired fella’s can feel free to comment here or send me an email.  i see sterling on a regular basis so that’s why i thought of him, and the boy has met him in the person.

sterling is also my resident motor bike question answerer b/c he’s a motor bike riding man, along with his beautiful wife.  they ride together, they are awesome.  the boy is very interested in getting a dirt bike.

so, as a parent you don’t want your kids to get messed with right?  the husband has had long hair off and on, as well as his brother.

in therapy, i’m taught that our kids have to learn how to fight their own battles (within reason) in order to gain the skills they need out in the real world.  another thing i’ve really learned about is PROJECTING my issues onto my kids.  (i double dog dare you to analyze that one with your kids, it’s not for the faint at heart.  it will mean LOOKING AT YOUR OWN STUFF.)

i’m fairly certain the boy isn’t ostracized in school, the teasing is good natured based on how i see him interacting with his classmates before he knows i’m there.

the adults are what annoy me the most i suppose, i mean they KNOW BETTER right? 

would love some input on this b/c as most of already know, there are NO INSTRUCTIONS with the kids that are put into our lives, but i firmly believe we owe them the efforts to find out and not just say “because i said so”.

if you didn’t know already (you should have), augusten’s newest book titled “you’d better not cry” is out.  it’s a book of warm christmas memories sitting by the fire with his loving parents, and then later in life living in manhattan taking the city by storm surrounded by people that were warm and compassionate, much like an old “friends” episode.

HA!  could you tell i was totally making all that up?  could you tell b/c you’ve read augusten and you KNOW that man has suffered more than his share of crazy?

i just finished the book this morning and i absolutely did not want it to end.  i hate to write something like “he’s grown beyond his original writing capacity at super sonic speed”.  to write that, sounds like i’m a little on the pretentious side and like i know ANYTHING about good writing.  (i assure you, i do not.)

i don’t know how else to word it but augusten’s writing has become grown into something EVEN GREATER THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE FROM HIM.   this book actually stopped me in my mental tracks and i was forced to ponder the statements on a higher plane than i previously thought possible. 

that last part, that’s a little over done isn’t it?  yeah, i can be like that about augusten.

following are a few teasers from you better not cry, i hope it makes you rush out and buy the book.  buy them as gifts for your friends and families b/c we all know that crazy runs in your family too.

i started crying at the dedication page (i fall into that second one, not the australia one).

“this book is dedicated to the people of australia who lost everything there is to lose in the february fires of 2009.

and to everyone who still holds their breath to listen for the sound of distant sleigh bells in the sky.”

on his confusion about santa claus and jesus being the same person,

“when the abominable snowman had cornered rudolph in the glittering ice cave, i watched in rapt silence, “jesus where are you?  help them! get a gun jesus, get a gun!”

describing the morning in which his grandparents were arriving for christmas,

“six moons later i was standing in the kitchen about to eat a breakfast of fresh cake batter when the doorbell rang.”

on how he began eating the life size santa his grandparents brought with them,

“somehow, i understood that what i was doing was incredibly thrilling and must, therefore, be incredibly wrong.”

“with santa’s lips in my mouth, i bit down.  i bit down hard.  his lips came off right in my mouth.  shocked and unsure of what to do now that i had santa’s lips entirely in my mouth instinct took over and i started to chew.”

after having to have his stomach pumped,

“i’d ruined not only christmas, but any chance i ever had of getting into heaven.”

describing his brother’s light touch with the christmas tree after coming over to help with the terrible flood in their new house,

“it was almost as if my grandmother had come to spend christmas with us, dressed in her very best outfit and wearing her favorite jewelry—her charm bracelet, her gold and jade rings—and we’d gone and beaten the hell out of her then tossed her broken body into snowbank.”

after the terrible flood part,

“this would be our lump of coal and reindeer-hit-by-car sandwiches christmas.  just exactly like all the motherfucking rest of them.”

"even worse, now i knew things could happen in the night.  harm could reach you no matter how insulated you thought you were.  it could change you.  it could take."

that last one really stuck in my jaw.  or is it craw?  nevertheless i’ve recently experienced this “harm could reach you no matter how insulated you thought you were”. 

boy howdy has harm been visiting lately.  thank god for the internet and books to keep me distracted.

random twitter activity yesterday, 11.11.09

betheboy shares his favorite movie genre,

If there’s an extremely specific genre of movies I love it’s depression era college comedies.

people are admiring the slackmistress’s rack (and WHO DOESN’T?),

HAHAHA (I was!) RT @Mia: http://twitpic.com/p6rjf – The lovely @slackmistress describing her large breasts. #140conf

and the slackmistress is asking twitter to stop lying,

Um, Twitter, I was following @Mia, so why do you say I wasn’t. YOU LIE.

neilochka is wondering about cheese.

Even though people make jokes about American cheese, it is a real cheese, right? In the same way as Swiss or munster cheese are cheeses?

It isn’t necessarily cheese food, whatever that is?

Thats sad. I have a craving for American cheese. I always like it. Other cheeses don’t make as good grilled cheese.

I do like cheese. I need to try more exotic cheeses.

the bloggess is her usual random beautiful self,

Also, this rant will make even less sense in the morning when #donttrytoholla is no longer a trending topic.

But I probably scare the shit out of their mooses if we’re being honest here.

Also, full disclosure: I’ve never actually been to Canada.

Don’t try to deny it, Canada. Last time I was there everyone was all “Why are you hollering? Keep it down, drunky. You’re scaring our moose”

peevedmichelle discusses the show glee,

#Glee makes me want to cry tonight.

Related: I am in love with Puck. #Glee

noirbette is talking to her baby that is in her belly,

Dear Baby, remember when you liked to be nestled down in my pelvis? THAT WAS NICE, LET’S TRY THAT AGAIN. Ow, my lungs.

Feeling very pregnant. (It takes most of my self-restraint to refrain from posting this exact tweet every five minutes.)

aplusk wants you to know it’s his beautiful wife’s birthday (11/11),

Please don’t forget to tell @mrskutcher happy birthday!!!!

and then aplusk RT’s yoko ono,

RT @yokoono: Count your blessings every day for they are your protection which stands between you and what you wish not.

joe’s wifes’ migraine medicine is now less expensive,

Good news: My wife’s migraine pills are only a $10 co-pay now. Bad news: I’m at the pharmacy getting more migraine pills.

earlier from joe, he’s our twitter news guy (think, “i’m chevy chase and you’re not”),

Photo: CTA bus crashes into house. In the bus driver’s defense, the house did cut him off: http://tumblr.com/xa43zgblq

cinchy just wants to GET HOME,

5 mins to home…seems like another long day.

i finally manage to watch “milk” after man false starts,

am FINALLY watching MILK for the love of god in the heaven. it’s like the film that doesn’t want me to watch it.

jaybushman overheard someone getting ready for christmas,

OH: “Ah, it’s THAT time of year. Time for cars to come with bows on top.”