i promise to never ask you to pee on me

this morning, i was catching up on my favoritist podcast of the bob and sheri show and they took a bunch of calls from listeners about the things they were grateful for.  my first thought was that maybe i wasn’t in the mood for something like that.

i listened anyway and ended up with a really nice feeling.  i’m always glad when i do something that isn’t my first choice and it turns out good like that.

so many of the callers had really neat stories, and the things they were grateful for ranged from new boobs to a healthy marriage.  sheri mentioned that her life over the past year has been pretty horrible.

i remembered something that usually isn’t too far from my mind but i don’t recall thinking about lately.

that thing is the number 28.  before 28, it was the number 24.  many people may not have a clue what i mean but i know that some of you out there will completely get it.

i’m a counter, i’ve been a counter all of my life.  my goal count was always 24, i count edges and points until i got to 24.  i often wondered if it meant that i would die at 24, but i hit 24 and didn’t die so i began to wonder if it had a deeper meaning.  (i did have a reoccurring vision of getting shot in the face with a gun, until an old psychic friend recommended that i visualize myself surrounded by a protective light and one night i heard the gun for the first time in my head and never had the vision again.)  no IDEA what that was about.

for example, maybe shedding parts of me that no longer served me.  when i was 24, i was only 3 years sober at the time looking back i can tell you that yes, parts of me that were not beneficial began to fall away and new growth came in its’ place.

it was a painful year for me, lots of very scary things that i never anticipated and the end result was far better than anything i could have imagined for myself.  that’s usually how it is, circle of life and all.

i’m a big believer in breakdowns being a sign of good things to come.  if someone you know and love is in the middle of a breakdown, don’t fret yourself too much.  it could very well mean that person is actually closer to finding their solutions.

after i passed the 24 mark, 28 became my new number.  i was 7 years sober by this time and i’m not sure i can even remember a breakdown around that point.  in fact, i think i was full on dating lots of cute boys and really enjoying myself.  i wasn’t looking to get chained down to anyone (literally yes, but not emotionally).

today, i wondered with it being a very awful year, of 2008 (28) if this is what my impending doom prophecy prepared me for.

my mind likes to find common denominators, or patterns in everything that crosses it’s path.  i decided that i was going with the whole 28 explanation and i actually began to feel.  very much like the munchkins in the wizard of oz, DING DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD!