dear mercury retrograde, please stop. i mean it.

dear old people-

i walk my dogs every morning during the week, and i take them to different locations b/c i like a change of scenery.  there are new discoveries to be made every day and pictures to be taken of those new discoveries.

the location that i see you two is the location i travel the most out of convenience.  we–the dogs and i–see you both each time i choose this specific path.

typically if i see others on the path, i’ll be sure to unclog HALF of that path and keep the dogs close to me so people are not “disturbed” by our dogs.  i do this instinctively, even though i cannot recall my dogs ever attacking you.  or anyone else for that matter.

this  morning i had my back to the direction you were walking towards, desperately trying to open the goddamn poop bad, listening to my ipod. i heard voices, and unsure of what was going on i paused my ipod and asked “is there a problem”?

you both responded in unison, “you need to get your dogs”.  i say back to them, “i have my dogs”.

(my internal voice asked, are they blind?  surely they can see that i am holding BOTH leashes AND the dogs were sitting?)

i reviewed the area, to be sure we weren’t hogging the whole path, i questioned myself and my manners.  what in god’s name have i DONE NOW?  as far as i could tell, i wasn’t doing anything wrong or inappropriate, nor were my dogs.

(note:  it is a huge struggle for me to not blame myself for everything that ever goes wrong in any type of situation like this.  seriously, i’ve worked REALLY hard on this shit and i’m way over taking the blame for someone else’s bullshit projections.  not my problem folks.)

your body language, coupled with your stern command to “get my dogs” were nasty and i’m not sure what could have possibly warranted that.  i’m just as pissed and sad that paul died too, but you don’t see me going around being a bitch to strangers do you?  (if only in my head, that doesn’t EVEN count.)

is it really my fault that you’ve been constipated for months, or lost your sex drives?  or that you haven’t lived an authentic life and now have NOTHING to show for it?  no, it isn’t.  not my fault at all.  if i were doing something (other than trying to open the goddamn poop bag) inappropriate or rude, i’d accept the responsibility for my actions.

you are hereby on notice that the next time i cross your path, i am going to MAKE you be my friend.  yep, that’s it.  rather than just shoot you both through the head with a gun i don’t even own or like, i’m going to be your friend.  after much thought, and really more than you probably even deserve i’ve decided to take the high road bitches.

you’ve been warned.

sincerely,

piglet