sampson, our puppy was neutered on monday. this, just three days after his emergency trip to the vet on friday night for an allergic reaction to something. i felt bad taking him there, knowing what would happen and then picking him up, thinking he’d be sad.
i had a hard time when we our female, sunday was spayed. the idea of removing all of her girlie parts and what that means.
this is what i was thinking about this morning, how we project our *static* or *stuff* onto our children and our pets without even knowing we are doing it.
out of the goodness of my heart, i’ve shared my theories with other people and it’s usually met with a nod of the head, the “sure, whatever you say” as they slowly back away.
i know what’s going on in their heads, “maybe YOU , crazy lady do that, but I do not”.
my “home grown” ideas about children and animals are a combined hot tranny mess of: the dog whisperer, my own personal life and recovery, therapy, rumors, picture books, things found on the bathroom walls at dirty gas stations, and watching bernie mac’s sitcom.
i know, you are astounded at my wealth of experience AND knowledge gained from such untypical places. fear not, you too can be like me.
there was an episode of the dog whisperer in which a dog would howl from the sound of a machine in the garage. any time the husband would go to the garage and turn on this machine, the dog would howl for hours.
they needed the dog whisperer to come to their home and evaluate the situation. he did. the dog whisperer found that the wife was actually annoyed with the husband going into the garage and making loud noises. in fact, if i remember correctly (which i probably don’t) she was annoyed with how much time the husband spent in the garage.
i’m sitting in my garage right now, which i guess makes me the husband for your ordinary marriages b/c i spend a lot of time in our garage.
animals sense human being’s energy, they can tell when you are nervous, afraid, happy, and sad. they don’t know what to do with this weird feeling they get, so sometimes they will just howl.
my god i wish i could howl to relieve my anxiety. I know first hand that people will look at your weird and call the police on you. (hopefully it’ll be a nice police officer like the one that came to my house.)
our children pick up on the same stuff, and they have no fucking clue what to do with it either. (hence, parents are capable of projecting their own issues on to their very own children.) issues that the parent may not even be aware they have, or think they’ve “dealt” with it and it’s in the past.
let that sink in dear reader for a moment.
our life experiences not only stay in our minds, but in our bodies, and in our souls. ever been in a car wreck? your body never forgets that impact. no matter how much you think you’ve pushed something down and forgotten about it, other parts of you have not forgotten.
i’m going to use computers as a comparison. you can delete things from your computer, and then dump the trash and you think it’s gone. but, it’s not. there are programs to pull the data from your registry and put it all back together like you never even removed it. you can have one program running in the front but there are many others in the background that support that one program you are running, in addition to all the pockets and temporary files where the data gets stored.
this has become one of my favorite analogies, due to how very much computers are like the human mind. you may read that and think, “this girl is bat shit crazy”. you would not be the first to declare this upon me, and hopefully not the last.
you know how all those bad things that happened to you in your life, you swore that if you ever had kids they would never live with the sadness and heartbreak of your life’s troubles? remember that? yes, i remember that too. me, with a big M on my shirt for SUPER MOMMY thought my children will not suffer the pains of life that i had to endure. no way.
perhaps you’ve heard of that expression, “sins of the father”? i think it comes to us from the bible, altho as a heathen, i cannot be 100% sure. most of us are doomed to repeat the sins of our mothers and fathers and there usually isn’t a lot we can do about it.
even if you look at your life and say, “there is no way in heck my life is like my parents”. look a little closer, don’t get stuck on the type of car, or house, or how much money you have to draw the comparison. it’s much more subtle than that stuff.
there are many that are under the belief that they have healed their wounds, yet they’ve raised their girls in a manner to believe having sex at a young age is ok. now, if you were to present this theory to said mother who believes they’ve healed their past, said mother will gasp and scoff at such a ridiculous accusation. get all the gasping and scoffing out and see the reality of what is there.
sex, sex, sex b/c some adult women think it is “cute” to dress up little girls in sexy outfits and not only allow but persuade them to wear makeup. all of that “cutesy” stuff unfortunately in our society has a LOT more involved with it than just being cute.
look at what happened to britney spears. is that her parents fault? maybe, but i pretty much blame disney for that shit. disney shoved the manufactured britney spears down our throats, and our children’s throats. be like britney, wear makeup, wear revealing clothes, be britney.
for those out there that road along on that train, have you noticed where britney is now?
based on my own personal experience, i firmly believe that we project our *stuff* onto our own children without even realizing it.
after coming through a really tough period of times in which my denial was no longer able to serve me, i realized that i never even had a chance. my experiences as a child were almost unavoidable, despite the fact that my mom did everything she could to protect us from bad things.
nor, did she realize that her fears and her anxieties would amount to me having her same experiences.
and this, is the sort of thing that i can get from our dog getting neutered.
Posted by leah 
