i’ve been thinking of writing a post about this topic for a short time but got distracted. then blaugra shot something out on twitter and it reminded me. i probably forgot about it due to the shame i felt for needing outside help.
in my previous life of a traveling goddess, i had a boss that suggested i hire a cleaning crew to clean the house to help out a little. reason she suggested it was to basically save my husband’s life.
many times, i would return from a trip and the house would be in a shambles. this never failed to send me into hysterical fits. so for the first time in my life, i hired a person to come in every two weeks. when i quit my job, i quit the cleaning service.
in the time that passed after i quit my job, my dad died, i painted the entire house shortly after he died, and then i rolled myself into a ball and mourned the loss of a saint. i’ve basically been leaching off of my husband’s income.
(you must know that there was a time in my ilfe when i would have preferred to die then have another person support me. granted, i did bring money into this thing and it’s still out there gaining interest. or at least, it’s supposed to be doing that.)
once i came back out into the light a little, i noticed that i had a lot of things to do. running a home is a big mambo job. my husband has a slight issue with working too much, and when the chips are down he drowns himself in coding.
before you go calling me an ungrateful varmint, i’ll tell you that i do sympathize with him. he a software engineer, software business changes hands quite a bit so to his defense, it’s been a rocky year for all of us. not to mention the whole offspring issues we’ve been dealing with. that alone is enough to put you into a home.
i’ve always had an issue with my partner not doing their part of the work load around the house. i’ve never had a partner that was capable of that. despite my screaming and jumping up and down for the first year we lived together, the husband is what he is. i know in order to bring order to chaos, you must organize. my husband doesn’t have that skill. i should add he doesn’t have the skill within the home. his job? he can juggle multiple projects with ease.
prior to getting another cleaning crew, i threatened it for about six months to the husband. secretly, i was ashamed that i might have to rely on outside help in order to keep this boat afloat. i was ashamed of needing outside help.
i do all the bill paying, and manipulation of our budget. this takes a lot of detailed work, coupons and doing without. i made room for the added expense of a cleaning crew.
i mean, what kind of woman that does not maintain a full time job even NEED a cleaning crew for? yeah, i beat myself up on that one for a short time until i just let the shit go and bit the bullet. it is so nice to have someone else clean your house. really, it is. if you can spare it whether you work or not, get outside help. give yourself a break. no one really appreciates a martyr.
while this was going on, i was free to take care of a million of projects around the house that needed doing.
my plan was to use the service until i got “caught up” on the million of things, and i did get caught up. which meant i might be able to go out with friends, return those calls i never return, or just enjoy some solo time without a living thing clinging to my hip.
it was nice while it lasted, i had to discontinue the cleaning service. i plan to resume that service in the future.
i felt i needed to speak out about this dirty little secret of mine, and encourage others to free themselves, and so i don’t look like a total tool for needing a cleaning service.
self centered much?
Posted by leah 
