the past week we had some really beautiful weather across the carolinas, it was 80 degrees on friday afternoon and gorgeous. i’ll tell you, the weather here is just about the best place in the land. except for california, they have awesome weather. all the time.
the school has been planning the big carnival day (this past saturday) for probably six months. it’s a big deal. it was a big deal when our daughter was there, and we attended it with her. i will say they’ve improved it quite a bit since she was there.
the saturday of the carnival started out with a little rain, with the temperature in the 50’s. FIFTIES as opposed to the EIGHTIES from just one day before the day of saturday.
we still went, and the wind was blowing everything around, including ALL OF THE POLLEN THAT WAS STUCK TO EVERYTHING.
was it any wonder a few hours into it that i was considering death as a possible solution? pollen in my nose, my hair, my skin, down my throat, and, in my brain.
pollen never used to be a problem for me, i’m sure i suffered from allergy issues in the past, i just wasn’t aware of it.
after having luke, allergies became my second life. i was getting allergy shots for a while thinking the whole time how ironic allergy shots are. they are shooting you with the stuff you are allergic to, i could not make peace with that no matter how hard i tried.
when my dad got sick, i stopped getting my allergy shots. he had regular chemo appointments, in addition to many doctor appointments, and i felt like his cancer was a bit more important than my stupid allergy problems.
i will tell you that i used to wear glasses when i drove or needed to see far away and i stopped wearing them when my dad got sick and i’ve not needed them again. maybe the allergy shots actually improved my vision?
anyway, the past 24 or more hours have not been my best but i am slowly recovering. it seems unfair that allergies can actually make you sick and unable to do the five million things that i typically like to be doing if i am awake.
being at the carnival on saturday i broke down with the crying. in public. being there, seeing the girls that are my daughter’s age i just starting weeping. i loathe public displays of crying, not when other people do it but when i do it.
tmim was there and she gave me big hugs, and then i walked away so no one could see me crying. i miss our daughter so much, and sometimes it catches me by surprise.
the thing that comforts me knowing that she won’t be gone forever, and knowing that what you reap today, is what you will sew in your future. sad but true.
i guess the allergy thing got me all soft and squishy like.
next thing you know, i’ll be complaining about my period and asking a perfect stranger if i look fat in my jeans.
Posted by leah 
