coming soon to a greasy bathroom near you!

i lifted this nifty toy from the the bloggess.

i’m pretty sure that she was totally done with it. she stole it from someone else, therefore making it ok for me to steal it from her? right?

seeing as how i cannot be as funny as she is, i’m just going to steal her stuff. that’s fair right?

featured below are a few ads i picked out for myself.

it’s pretty safe to say that you’ll start to see these in your favorite truck stop bathrooms.

(pst! i’m not that girl in the photo.)

what i do **with an update

hey piglet!

what do you do when shit REALLY hits the fan?

first, i contact peeved michelle, and then?

well, i go to a meeting is what i do.

and after that meeting? i’m going to call my sponsor.

yo, some serious shit has really hit our fan. i’m about to bust myself up into a meeting which cures just about everything that can ever be wrong with me.

good always prevails over evil, that’s what i always say.

**i go to meetings even when things are not hitting the fan.  just in case anyone thought that you only go to meetings when stuff hits the fan, maybe people do but not me.  

very close to losing my parenting license

i had a MAJOR “darwin award” moment on monday. MAJOR.

i’m not writing this with proud mommy thoughts. i write this with thoughts of, “i cannot believe i’m fixin’ to put this in words on the internet”.

use this as a safety message, a public announcement of WHAT NOT TO DO. as i told the pharmacist on the phone when he asked, “ma’am why did you do that?” my response, “b/c i’m an idiot”.

i took luke to the doctor yesterday where they confirmed that he indeed has the flu, and sent us on our way with a prescription for tamiflu. i went to our pharmacy ready to drop it off, but was out of luck due to them having to close that day at 5pm unexpectedly.

i drove to another pharmacy, they were out of the tamiflu but they kindly offered to call the place across the street for me. this place is cvs, but not the cvs in which i had a nervous breakdown in (i very well may be able to avoid that place for the rest of my life).

i dropped it off, the husband picked it up in an hour and brought it home. the prescription directed the user to use the dose in a measurement of ml. the dropper (provided by the drug company, ROCHE) measured in mg.

being the quick witted dip shit that i am, i went to the internet to look for the translation of ml to mg.

as i was dosing my son, i said “gee that seems like a lot of liquid”. to which my husband said, “maybe you should call the pharmacy”.

i called the pharmacy and asked him what the equivalent of the prescribed ml was to the dropper that shows mg, he told me the right amount and then i said, “well i’ve accidentally overdosed my son.”

the pharmacy told me to call the doctor, the doctor told me to call poison control. oh goody.

meanwhile, i’m shitting bricks trying to “observe” luke, without alarming him b/c he’ll never let me live it down if he finds out what i just did.

up until this point, i was in a full-on panic, but without the voices shouting in my head about what a terrible mother i am. i was holding it together, trying to just get through to someone that would tell me my son would not die due to my giving him an overdose.

the poison control people are not nice. this was the second time i’ve ever had to call them and they were mean the first time. i don’t even remember what it was i called about the first time, just remember them being mean. the man at poison control kept addressing me sternly as “ma’am” and he said it in BOLD.

i told him what i did.

he said: “ma’am, you cannot measure liquids in mg”.

me: WTF? the dropper i have in my hand from ROCHE shows levels of 30/60/90 MG!

him: “ma’am, LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU.”

me (in my mind): wtf? i AM listening to you. he was saying that the bottle containing the tamiflu would have a measurement on it. i read the entire bottle words to him. (later he would tell me that it was probably UNDER the label.)

i stop to ask luke if he’s ok.

the man: “MA’AM don’t worry about him right now, go and find something in which to measure mg so you can give me an idea of how much you gave him.”

me: “i was just making sure he was ok.”

**meanwhile, the pharmacy calls on the other line.**

i tell mr. sourpuss they are calling and he tells me to call him back. (oh sure, i need more of your abuse.)

the pharmacist (whom i now love and might marry, or at the very least, i will at transfer all of our prescriptions over there) asks me what happened when i called the doctor, i tell him. i also tell him that the poison control people are mean and i re-tell my conversation to mr. kind and gentle pharmacist–WHICH IS REALLY ALL I NEED WHEN I PANIC–A KIND AND GENTLE SPEAKING PERSON!

the pharmacist asks me again how much i gave him, asks how much he weighs, etc. he thinks that he should be fine, just check on him every 1/2 hour.

i called mr. poison control back and relay what the pharmacist said, and he’s all like “well it sounds like everything is going to be ok.”

yes, mr. poison thanks for your compassion and MEANIE-NESS!

that pharmacist calls back two more times after that to check on our situation. he called again this morning just to check once again.

i thanked him a million times for his concern and help. the last thing he said to me this morning, “this is a good example of how the internet is not always a good source of information.”

thank you mr. nice pharmacy man, thank you for not being mean. i look forward to our wedding in which i become mrs. pharmacist-man.

by the way, if you go to the tamiflu website and type in overdose in the search box, here’s what you get:

Your search – overdose – did not match any documents.
No pages were found containing “overdose”.

Suggestions:

• Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
• Try different keywords.
• Try more general keywords.

i found this to be quite suspicious.

turns out there isn’t a lot of data on overdose of this medication, due to maybe NO ONE ELSE EVER DOING IT.