a letter in which i explain how i was not screening my calls.

dear nephew-

just b/c i was unable to answer your phone call does not mean i was “call screening”.

what is it with you people that assume we are home, listening to your message as you leave it? sure, we are home almost 85.2% of the time. sure, the husband rarely even LEAVES the house due his job that requires him to work 16 hours a day.

sure, many times when you call we are just sitting around watching the hermit crab crawl, or the frog eat crickets. and yes, we did have those family of raccoons that i fed and enjoyed watching on our deck or in the garage.

we live very exciting lives that involve watching animals be animals and to call and find us not home is rare. however, we were not home. in fact, we were OUT without a child or a dog with us.

you see my dearest nephew, luke is now in gymnastics. and not the “pretend” kind that he used to be in, but the real olympic training type of gymnastics. it was his idea through and through to go back to it.

you may recall (or not) that i dreamt of being the next nadia comaneci when i was young. sadly, i had to give it up due to my 2nd dream of becoming a waitress at shoney’s restaurant.

in case you have no idea in the world who nadia is, this is just a very small sample of her amazing talent, from 1976.

what does this have to do with anything?

well, this place he goes, has open gym night from 7pm until 9pm. that is TWO WHOLE HOURS without a child. it doesn’t stop there.

once a month, they do open gym for FOUR HOURS in a row. another exciting aspect of this thing is that luke walks into that place and forgets i am even in the world. this is almost unheard of for that boy to go anywhere and forget i am in the world. he loves this place. last week he went friday night for two hours and then again on saturday night for four hours.

alas, i know these details bore you.

you and your beautiful hello kitty woman, both of you with your beautiful and sexy hair, who live only a short distance to the heavy populated street of crazies (which i envy).

there is a point to all of this.

on your phone message, you mentioned that perhaps the only way i could get your message was to post an entry on your blog letting me know that the surprise birthday celebration was being called off due to hello kitty’s severe illness (of which i told her on the phone yesterday that she should just rest and stop spreading her 103 degreed fever disease). i honestly wonder if the pressure of trying to keep your birthday party a surprise is what compromised her immune system causing her sickness.

in closing, yes i do screen my calls sometimes. i am within my rights as a human to do this. i would hope that you know i would not screen a call from you or hello kitty unless i was physically unable to answer the phone. (maybe i’m using the loo, or out in the garage cutting the heads off of dolls, or doing other stuff that would not allow me to answer the phone.)

much love,

auntie leah

p.s. if it makes you feel any better, i missed a call from maya angelou a few weeks ago b/c i wasn’t home. she was calling to encourage me to get out and vote for hilary. true story.

i am excited, and i want you to be excited too!

i am excited about two sites.

TWO!

AND DID I MENTION I AM VERY EXCITED?

the first one, is the bloggess. you may recognize her from mama drama which is a site filled with several funny writers. she is jenny.

in all honestly, i had no idea she’d up and started her own blog due to my neglect of reading mama drama. sometimes i get away from blogs due to time constraints and that i get easily confused and distracted.

i especially love this:

About the Site:

• What the critics are saying about this blog: “It’s fine.” ~My husband

she is very funny, very talented, and i swear to god you won’t regret going over and reading her words. she is everything you want in a mom, a wife, a co-worker, a celebrity stalker, and a bff. i am jealous of her talent and wish i could be HALF as funny as she is.

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the next site, and please don’t roll your eyes and think i’m turning “all veggie, all the time”.

i read about this site in a magazine yesterday and i fell in love with the idea, which came from a child. not only did the dad think it was a great idea but he took action and started a blog based on his daughter’s idea.

how many times did YOUR parents think you had a good idea about something?

yeah, that’s what i thought.

What is Vegetarian Wednesday?

Vegetarian Wednesday started when my daughter wanted to become a vegetarian but couldn’t do it all at once (she loves her chicken nuggets). I told her I’d help her by doing it with her, and we’d start by becoming vegetarians one day a week. Thus was born Vegetarian Wednesday. She wants to become a vegetarian because she loves animals. I want to do it because it’s good for me and good for the planet. Did you know that the meat industry is one of the leading contributors to global warming in the world? Did you know that eating less meat lowers your weight and total cholesterol? Think of what we could do if we all stopped eating meat for just one day a week.The purpose of this blog is to encourage meat-eaters like me to make a difference in their health and in the health of the planet by trying to eat no meat one day each week. On this blog we can share recipes, stories about Vegetarian Wednesdays, and most of all spread the word.

blog stats

i submitted a photo to passive-aggressive-r-us a few months back when i went on my state tour of savannah, ga and ended up in columbia, sc.

i snapped it on my way to the bathroom at the most excellent restaurant that more candor and hello kitty took me too. the food was absolutely divine and i was looking forward to many more meals there.

(i am told the restaurant is now closed, and i fear it’s b/c i touched the damn thermostat, even though it told me not too. i am usually more obedient than that.)

anyway, pa posted my entry yesterday and i’ve noticed that i have like 384 views today as of right now (according to wordpress), i have to take their word for it b/c i’m not “blog stat” savvy.

when i first started blogging i thought everyone should love me right out of the gate and tell all their friends and family to read it. they’d sit around the dinner table talking about my incredible talent for writing, and wonder what it would be like to be my friend, wonder what kind of perfume i use, and what is my favorite gum.

alas, that didn’t happen and i remembered my purpose for starting my blog, it was to write.

what does that have to do with blog stats?

“i tell you evv-ree-ting”.

there have been three posts in my time as a blogger that sent folks over here in droves.

in fact, one post held the title for an entire year. (i did sit at my kitchen table wondering what it would be like to be friends with them, what kind of perfume they use.)

the next post, was about a poem that i fell in love with written by eric anderson. originally published in the sun magazine. i asked permission to re-post it on this blog b/c it’s JUST THAT GOOD! (as well, i’ve threatened to become his agent.)

the next highest stat record is this current pa situation. (thanks for posting my submission!)

none of these particular posts were made to with the motive of getting lots and lots of hits. they were made in my nerdy spirit of “HEY! YOU GOTTA COME CHECK THIS OUT AND LOVE IT AS MUCH AS ME!”

if you came over here from there, and you are even reading this i welcome you. i hope you find my blog to be a place that you’ll want to come back to. if not, i’m cool with that too. sure, i’ll cry for days on end and not feed my family b/c i’m too depressed to even get myself out of bed but i’ll get past it. eventually.

whatever you do, don’t touch a fucking thermostat that has a sign that says NOT TO TOUCH IT. you stand to lose an amazing eating establishment that can be called “food of the gods”.

learn from my mistake.

being a parent is really cool, in three parts.

today at my son’s school, i reminded the kids as i was herding them to art class that i have a laser in my finger that could zap them.

one kid asked how it worked, and “just how did i get it?”.

i said, “i got it b/c i am a transformer”.

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after my son got home from school today, i went through his backpack. i always get excited when it’s library day, he picks good books. today, he picked out TWO! really cool books!

one of which i had no idea even existed. as you’ll see from the photo, it’s about my beloved friend, cheree and someone named precious.

the other book is by an author of a book my son loves, “ship of dreams” that is actually his sister’s book, my husband got autographed for her many years ago.

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lastly, my son finally got a much-needed hair cut yesterday. he picked it out from a book they have there, i’d say this boy has good taste. his buddy, “x” came over and they had some pizza and made funny faces.

not for the faint of heart

for some of you, the content in this link to this post might piss you off.

before you even go over there i will warn you that it is graphic video of how chickens are handled. honestly, i could not get through either video in its entirety. if you choose to go, it will be of your own free will, which means you can’t blame me for your reaction.

i would suggest that before you watch the video, you read his post for some insight into why he posted it.

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in other news, the same person that i link above left a recipe for me on his last visit here with hello kitty. i like to share, so if anyone else is looking for a recipe that will wreck your butt, feel free to borrow it. the recipe that is typed up is one i had lying on the counter that i wanted to try out.