differences in boys and girls

i have taken many photos and video of our new addition to the family, sampson. i assure you they are cute and funny as hell and i will share them soon.

i took him to the vet this past monday and it seems that he has a little heart murmur. the vet said it wasn’t anything to worry about, we’ll see how that goes.

so far the little dude is doing very well on potty training. today, he actually walked up to the door and rang the cow bell i placed there. this is a training trick that i read about when our female was a puppy. she never caught on, she’s a free spirit and doesn’t take kindly to commands or expectations.

in fact, i am doing some comparisons between the two dogs and how the male puppy seems to be easier to train. we got our female when she was three months , she was a rescue. she is very well behaved as long as she is confined to the house, once outside all bets are off.

she is an amazing dog and extremely intelligent, the down side is she loves to run and thinks the whole neighborhood lives here specifically to serve her.

based on my experience with people and animals, the males are much easier to deal with all across the board.

back when my niece and nephew were small, my nephew was WAY easier to take care of.

my niece, the screaming red head had lots of *things* that you couldn’t do or she couldn’t experience or she would scream. i remember a big thing with her was she hated socks. especially if the socks had a hem line across the toes, she would absolutely refuse to wear them.

my nephew had this thing we called “surgeon hands”. he walked around holding his hands close to his chest, like a doctor before washing up before surgery, afraid to touch anything. (we found out later was his dad had warned him about touching plants in their house b/c some of them were poisonous.) he took it to the literal.

based on my experience, boys seem to be easier to deal with than girls.

to sum it up, the training of our male puppy makes me feel like less of a failure as lead bitch. and really? it’s all about making me feel better about myself.

some recommendations about jobs and retaining employment

despite not having a college degree, i’ve managed fairly well in life. (yeah, i know it’s easy to say NOW that another person is practically supporting me.)

the wolves set me free at age 17 and prior to my *now* situation i was 100% financially responsible for myself for 18 years. i have worked two and three jobs at the same time just to pay my bills.

NOTE: I WOULD NEVER ADVISE A PERSON TO OPT OUT OF THE COLLEGE PATH. (trust me on this, life doesn’t have to be as hard as i’ve made it.)

it is smarter to get the degree. if you have that, in combination with good work ethic, honesty and integrity you could probably become the leader of the free world.

god knows, we need it.

when trying to find a job/career, it’s good to try to match your god given likes/skills/abilities to something that you could enjoy doing for long periods of time.

i have always thought bartender was a good job for me b/c you can indirectly be of service to people, a sounding board. believe it or not, i have bartended in sobriety (working a part time job at fancy hotels whilst in college), but sooner or later i’m certain i would end up drinking the profits and i am not willing to risk that.

over the years i have often wondered how some people get nice, fat, cushy jobs and then lose them almost as quickly as they get them. i’m not a good first interview, i know this to be true. i think it runs along the same lines as my failures in test taking. i’m trying to harness this weakness to overcome but so far i haven’t found the loop.

part of my problem is that i am honest, genuine and authentic TO A FAULT. in first interviews, i think it pays to be a little snarky and fake-ish. this is just my opinion and you may disagree with it. i don’t care.

for the long run, i’m your gal. i’m the keeper.

time and time again, i’ve proven that to many “higher-ups” and have been compensated very nicely.

in short, to keep a job:

• be honest,
• be a hard worker,
• go the extra mile, learn as much as you can about your job.
• take it home, to bed, to the bathroom, make it something you personally are passionate about (you won’t have to do this the entire time, just in the beginning to prove yourself). even if you hate your job and you cannot quit b/c you have no sugar daddy, you CAN find threads within it that match your likes and god-given talents. (trust me, as a credit collector person i found ways to make it ok until i found the next career step. collection/ar/credit work can bleed your soul dry and i actually made friends doing it.)
• i’ll mention the BE HONEST part again, b/c it’s THAT important. start with being honest with yourself, then it gets easier to do with others.

give yourself a pre-determined amount of time to stay with the job. 30/60/90/120 days, don’t quit just b/c someone slights you, is mean to you or they are smelly.

people die all the time and maybe the one you have a problem with is on their way out. committing to something builds character in a person, which is a great quality to have if you wish to KEEP A JOB.

you know what they say, “winners never quit and quitters never win”. this is a completely 100% true statement. the downside is sometimes it takes time for it to catch up with the quitters (thereby creating a cycle they don’t recognize as unhealthy), usually it’s too late for them with a mass of wreckage in their path.

quit whining about what this person does, what that person doesn’t do, focus on yourself and doing a good job. i often wonder how in this age of oprah and dr. phil how so many people continue to BLAME EVERYONE ELSE FOR THEIR PROBLEMS. it really annoys me.

if the same problems, types of people, etc seem to follow you no matter what job you do, what state you live in, get a clue.

the common denominator here IS YOU.

you cannot change others, you can only change yourself. if this makes you mad, it could be b/c you are this type of person. take your anger, channel it and fix yourself up. life is short, don’t spend it being a big ass cry baby that has the worst luck in the world.

good luck.

p.s. buy new skivvies for a job interview, it WILL make you more confident.

augusten, how i love thee

i’ve been off wasting a LOT of time over on facebook, there is fun over thar.

you can do so many things, and it works really well with my very short attention span. you can throw stuff at people, you can play games, dedicate songs, find out how weird you are, give and receive cupcakes, ALL KINDS OF FUN THINGS! look me up over there and WE CAN BE FRIENDS!

while i’ve been over there wasting time, i’ve missed out on what augusten has been up too. if you’ve been reading for any length of time, you’ll know that i love mr. augusten burroughs.

and, he loves me back. (or, at least he was kind enough to pretend he did.)

he even wrote it in my book he signed (this link is a photo of he and i together at his lecture in charlotte)

i am almost ashamed to tell you that my nephew had to tell me that augusten is writing for details magazine. AND THAT’S NOT ALL!

he has a book coming out, and i had no idea. what the hell kind of stalker/fan am i anyways? not a very good one i’ll tell you.

his newest book that comes out APRIL 29th is titled “a wolf at the table”. i can’t link individually to certain spots but just take a click over to his site and have yourself a good and fun time reading and catching up.

seriously, for the love of god you must GO OVER THERE.

bonus videos on the bottom left side under “featured stuff”, including one of his “puppy-child” bentley. augusten is not just another pretty face, his beauty is inside and out, and i just lovers him.

a scientific approach to pooping and a tip on spam

if anyone out there is having a problem with their pooping routine, perhaps i can help.

my personal opinion on folks that are constipated is that these people have a big problem letting things go. think about it. you aren’t just holding on to “stuff” in your mind but you take it to a whole new level, which is reflected in your bowel movements.

men (and women, but mostly men) that stuff their emotions (mainly anger), have cholesterol problems. take a person that eats fried food for every single meal but has no cholesterol problems, they have some kind of outlet to process their emotions.

you may think to yourself, “this piglet IS NOT A SCIENTIST, what makes her think she knows anything!?”

you would be correct in that i am not a “scientist” in the college degree sense of the word.

however, i do experiments and i ask random people random questions to find my answers.

and thus far, these are my strongest “stranger-asking-fact-based” ideas. on the subject of poop and cholesterol. i have some theories that are still in the testing stage, i’ll comment on those once i’ve gathered the proper data.

(by the way, since i added that email thing on the right i’m getting LOADS OF SPAM. yeah me. and for those that may not have known this, the cookies your computer collects helps the spammers in sending you spam that may match your names, your friends names, even your enemies names. for example if you have a person name betty sue that is reading your blog you will get spam with betty sue in the name of it. that is how they trick you, damn spammers.)

thinking of a new career choice

if anyone laughs at what i’m about to share, i will cry. you don’t want to make me cry right?

ok, so don’t laugh. (many of you may be thinking, “she won’t know if i laugh b/c i am in the safety of my home, the library, car, or the toilet.”)

well, i have special powers. if you read this section, you’d know about my special powers.

i checked into becoming a cosmetologist, a person who can cut your hair. i’ve always had a liking to do people’s hair, i cut my son’s hair and sometimes my own. i assure you, it’s not a whim, it’s something i’ve had in the back of my head for YEARS.

my hair person fell off the earth about two years ago. i had him for 15 years. i love this man. i formed an emotional attachment to him (SURPRISE!) and i’m certain he love(s) me too. wherever he is. it’s hard to find a good hair person so i thought maybe i’ll just become my own hair person.

when i got an obscene amount of vaseline in my hair while living in connecticut, it was he that i called. after explaining that i needed to know how to remove the vaseline, he laughed at me. he was like, “i don’t even want to KNOW how you got that much vaseline in your hair.”

of course, he was lying. he totally wanted to know and i told him. unfortunately, it wasn’t quite as kinky as he’d hoped.

last week i went for a tour of the aveda institute in charlotte. i like aveda b/c i am allergic to most chemicals and they leave me with migraines. this is why i try to be green, for purely selfish reasons. it bothers me that i can only use my victoria secret perfume when i am willing to chance a migraine. which is like, never.

i was very impressed with the school, the instructors, the curriculum, etc. the tuition surprised me the most, being $15k. it’s a one year degree, so i guess $15k isn’t much in comparison to other degrees.

some people that i’ve shared this hair idea with aren’t very impressed and it seems my sentence falls flat. (i wonder if this is due to my former career of computer nerd, and corporate flunky.)

as i told the husband, “i like to collect jobs/skills/etc in my back pocket. it’s a safety net for me.” i want to be marketable in any area that i may need.

i have always worked and had jobs, having only been fired one time (considering i am a recovering drunk). at my worst; i had three jobs, my own place, car, was fully supporting myself (b/c i was too stupid and proud to let someone pay their fair share).

there you have it, i may become an aveda degreed cosmetologist.

go ahead and laugh if you wish, b/c really i love when people laugh. the thing that interests me most is that i can have lots of people contact, and be of service. i am a born service person due to my roots in codependency.

if you have any experience with the above career choice, please share.

oh, and who wants to be my first victim?