my head blew up in target

today, i went to target to retrieve snacks for the son’s class for this whole week and next week. yes, you are reading this properly. snacks for the whole class for a total of 9 days.

for some reason, i could not wrap my head around the severity of this task. this was on my list to do on friday but after the “terrible experience”, i drove home and i stayed there.

i wanted the snacks to be healthy, b/c i’m weird like that. i had to keep in mind that there are children with allergies in the class. i was pretty clueless as to what to get and that alone made me feel pretty dumb. what mother doesn’t know what snacks to get for a bunch of kindergarteners? me, that’s who.

my first stop was the string cheese aisle. two bags of string cheese, one of cubed cheese. i carefully counted the servings to be sure there would be enough to cover 30. i rounded up just in case. then i moved on to the juice aisle. i was getting no sugar added juice for 30 kids. then it hit me. i need 30 times 9 (or 5 if i was just working for this week).

that is when my head started spinning around in circles and i farted 50 times.

i just started grabbing stuff and putting it into the cart in a dumb coma. is dumb coma familiar to anyone else? i was trying to count, figure out exactly what i’d need but it was fruitless. i could not compute it.

on the applesauce aisle, the exact kind i wanted (no sugar added) was at the very top and pushed back. i tried to climb it but stopped, lest i do a lucy ricardo. a target employee was nearby and i asked her if she could help out. she said yes and went to get a latter.

meanwhile, a tall person walked by and i asked him to help me. (don’t ask me why since i just asked the target lady, i suspect it is due to the dumb coma.) he said yes, but it would cost me five dollars. when he saw my cart, he asked if i owned a restaurant (in case you forgot, it was b/c of ALL THE GROCERIES). i laughed and said no, explained the situation. i could tell he was thinking better her than me.

when my husband saw the mother load, he remembered that i’d told him there was an apple allergy kid in the class. he asked me why i got applesauce. no idea, maybe applesauce isn’t the same as apples?

i wonder sometimes how they allowed me to give birth to a child, or that i was able to travel in my last job and somehow always made it back home. after all, this is proof that i am a highly functioning retarded person.