**notice: this post is in no way a judgment against people that need to get divorced. per my usual, these are my thoughts on the subject and things i’ve learned.**
twice in a matter of a few days i learned of old friends separating from their mates. these were both very long term relationships that you never would have guessed would end. a couple of years ago i had another friend that ended a 13 year marriage, and they also had kids.
when there are kids involved, and that always drives me a little bat shit crazy. (this is NO reflection on my friends in any way, as i realize that sometimes it’s just what happens.)
the tangent i am getting ready to go on is no indication of how my friends marriages came to the point at which they are at now.
i’ve never really understood monogamy. i get the general idea of monogamy but i wonder why is it preached so heavily when so many people cannot live up to it? why is our our society obsessed GETTING MARRIED? and spending hoards of money on a WEDDING?
i am not convinced that monogamy is obtainable in the manner in which it’s sold to us as a society. many, many people that i have come into contact with have committed adultery. good people, nice people, and people that obviously make mistakes like we all do.
this is a subject that has intrigued me for a long time. i wrote about it here. i had a very enlightening conversation with a man i’d never met in a small cafe near the versace shops in beverly hills, california. after we finished our meals and said goodbye, he walked into tiffanys to buy his wife some diamonds. (he’d mentioned his intentions to do this during our meal together.)
i almost didn’t have the relationship that i have with my husband b/c of infidelity in his past. i was that STRINGENT about it. i struggled and struggled and wanted to erase that part of his past. i must mention that my history has been to try and find reasons NOT to stay in a relationship rather than to stay in one.
i like traditions just like the next person but the ones that i like to partake in are not necessarily the “common” traditions that follow the “herd”.
i never was that little girl that dreamed of her wedding day. no, not for me. i had bigger plans. HUGE aspirations of becoming a waitress or an actress (which are very similar professions i might add) and practicing for my big debut.
infidelity is not the crime that it used to be for me. i was TERRIFIED to get married. i am completely serious and my husband endured quite a bit of torture even as we walked into the chapel. i cried through the whole saying of the vows.
after it was over, i began to see the folly of my fears. just five years ago i would have told you that if my mate cheated i would leave them or perhaps killed them. quickly.
now? i’m more of the “let’s work it out” mind set today. b/c really? working it out might just be the easiest thing to do in light of living with aftermath of divorce. not that there aren’t any valid reasons for divorce BECAUSE THERE ARE.
just keep in mind that i’ve spent the past seven years being the step-mother to a girl that has lived with me full time until recently. the twists and turns of embedded families is HARD. REALLY, REALLY FUCKING HARD.
it’s forced me to really look into myself on many levels. and make changes. holy hell making changes is not most people’s ideas of a fun time. yet that inner hippy in me keeps pulling me forward to try and be a better human. goddamn that hippy in there. she pisses me off.
thoughts from the internets?
Posted by leah 
