i thought i was going to the gas station, evidently i took a wrong turn into the twilight zone.

You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension – a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.

young man spotting a grown woman that he apparently knows: what are those?

grown woman: new type of doritos, they taste just like a whopper from burger king.

young man: do you still work at burger king?

grown woman: no, i got fired for buying underage employees beer.

grown woman: so what have you been up to lover?

i have a word for this. YUCK.

my son, the sage

i shit you not, these are all true (bear in mind he is five and a half years old):

• while watching tom and jerry, his commentary: “take a chill pill people.”

• my mom called my son last week, on the phone he was pretending to not be himself. then the call took a slight turn when she mentioned having a job that she would pay him for. then he was all, “this is luke, i was just joking with you.” i’m pleased to know he has priorities. you know, to save up for that newest lego starwars battleship.

• i had to go out and run a million errands one day last week in the 90+ degree heat. luke chose to stay home but he called me at least 4 or 5 times on my cell. he would say, “who is this?” i would respond, “it’s your mom.” he’d say, “can you prove that?” (he wasn’t home alone. his dad works from home, and i guess he felt better knowing i was only a phone call away.)

and the one that i wonder if i should be concerned about:

• traffic backed up on the way home, i told luke that i hoped there wasn’t an accident. he responded, “if there are dead people at the accident, i want to keep part of the body.”