you better not cry is another gem

November 15, 2009

if you didn’t know already (you should have), augusten’s newest book titled “you’d better not cry” is out.  it’s a book of warm christmas memories sitting by the fire with his loving parents, and then later in life living in manhattan taking the city by storm surrounded by people that were warm and compassionate, much like an old “friends” episode.

HA!  could you tell i was totally making all that up?  could you tell b/c you’ve read augusten and you KNOW that man has suffered more than his share of crazy?

i just finished the book this morning and i absolutely did not want it to end.  i hate to write something like “he’s grown beyond his original writing capacity at super sonic speed”.  to write that, sounds like i’m a little on the pretentious side and like i know ANYTHING about good writing.  (i assure you, i do not.)

i don’t know how else to word it but augusten’s writing has become grown into something EVEN GREATER THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE FROM HIM.   this book actually stopped me in my mental tracks and i was forced to ponder the statements on a higher plane than i previously thought possible. 

that last part, that’s a little over done isn’t it?  yeah, i can be like that about augusten.

following are a few teasers from you better not cry, i hope it makes you rush out and buy the book.  buy them as gifts for your friends and families b/c we all know that crazy runs in your family too.

i started crying at the dedication page (i fall into that second one, not the australia one).

“this book is dedicated to the people of australia who lost everything there is to lose in the february fires of 2009.

and to everyone who still holds their breath to listen for the sound of distant sleigh bells in the sky.”

on his confusion about santa claus and jesus being the same person,

“when the abominable snowman had cornered rudolph in the glittering ice cave, i watched in rapt silence, “jesus where are you?  help them! get a gun jesus, get a gun!”

describing the morning in which his grandparents were arriving for christmas,

“six moons later i was standing in the kitchen about to eat a breakfast of fresh cake batter when the doorbell rang.”

on how he began eating the life size santa his grandparents brought with them,

“somehow, i understood that what i was doing was incredibly thrilling and must, therefore, be incredibly wrong.”

“with santa’s lips in my mouth, i bit down.  i bit down hard.  his lips came off right in my mouth.  shocked and unsure of what to do now that i had santa’s lips entirely in my mouth instinct took over and i started to chew.”

after having to have his stomach pumped,

“i’d ruined not only christmas, but any chance i ever had of getting into heaven.”

describing his brother’s light touch with the christmas tree after coming over to help with the terrible flood in their new house,

“it was almost as if my grandmother had come to spend christmas with us, dressed in her very best outfit and wearing her favorite jewelry—her charm bracelet, her gold and jade rings—and we’d gone and beaten the hell out of her then tossed her broken body into snowbank.”

after the terrible flood part,

“this would be our lump of coal and reindeer-hit-by-car sandwiches christmas.  just exactly like all the motherfucking rest of them.”

"even worse, now i knew things could happen in the night.  harm could reach you no matter how insulated you thought you were.  it could change you.  it could take."

that last one really stuck in my jaw.  or is it craw?  nevertheless i’ve recently experienced this “harm could reach you no matter how insulated you thought you were”. 

boy howdy has harm been visiting lately.  thank god for the internet and books to keep me distracted.


from the twitter

November 12, 2009

random twitter activity yesterday, 11.11.09

betheboy shares his favorite movie genre,

If there’s an extremely specific genre of movies I love it’s depression era college comedies.

people are admiring the slackmistress’s rack (and WHO DOESN’T?),

HAHAHA (I was!) RT @Mia: http://twitpic.com/p6rjf – The lovely @slackmistress describing her large breasts. #140conf

and the slackmistress is asking twitter to stop lying,

Um, Twitter, I was following @Mia, so why do you say I wasn’t. YOU LIE.

neilochka is wondering about cheese.

Even though people make jokes about American cheese, it is a real cheese, right? In the same way as Swiss or munster cheese are cheeses?

It isn’t necessarily cheese food, whatever that is?

Thats sad. I have a craving for American cheese. I always like it. Other cheeses don’t make as good grilled cheese.

I do like cheese. I need to try more exotic cheeses.

the bloggess is her usual random beautiful self,

Also, this rant will make even less sense in the morning when #donttrytoholla is no longer a trending topic.

But I probably scare the shit out of their mooses if we’re being honest here.

Also, full disclosure: I’ve never actually been to Canada.

Don’t try to deny it, Canada. Last time I was there everyone was all “Why are you hollering? Keep it down, drunky. You’re scaring our moose”

peevedmichelle discusses the show glee,

#Glee makes me want to cry tonight.

Related: I am in love with Puck. #Glee

noirbette is talking to her baby that is in her belly,

Dear Baby, remember when you liked to be nestled down in my pelvis? THAT WAS NICE, LET’S TRY THAT AGAIN. Ow, my lungs.

Feeling very pregnant. (It takes most of my self-restraint to refrain from posting this exact tweet every five minutes.)

aplusk wants you to know it’s his beautiful wife’s birthday (11/11),

Please don’t forget to tell @mrskutcher happy birthday!!!!

and then aplusk RT’s yoko ono,

RT @yokoono: Count your blessings every day for they are your protection which stands between you and what you wish not.

joe’s wifes’ migraine medicine is now less expensive,

Good news: My wife’s migraine pills are only a $10 co-pay now. Bad news: I’m at the pharmacy getting more migraine pills.

earlier from joe, he’s our twitter news guy (think, “i’m chevy chase and you’re not”),

Photo: CTA bus crashes into house. In the bus driver’s defense, the house did cut him off: http://tumblr.com/xa43zgblq

cinchy just wants to GET HOME,

5 mins to home…seems like another long day.

i finally manage to watch “milk” after man false starts,

am FINALLY watching MILK for the love of god in the heaven. it’s like the film that doesn’t want me to watch it.

jaybushman overheard someone getting ready for christmas,

OH: “Ah, it’s THAT time of year. Time for cars to come with bows on top.”


things and happenings

November 10, 2009

why do people have their gps device permanently attached to their front windows?  can they not remember how to get home from the grocery store?  do they want to know their exact location at all times?

we have a gps but only use it when we don’t know where we are going.  it came with that attachment device but i saw no need to have it on at all times.

is there an undiscovered gps function that requires that you leave it permanently mounted?

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(i wrote this a long time ago before my ipod stopped working) i found some new podcasts and can i just tell you that i love new and obscure podcasts?  seriously, it’s right up there with finding money.

i found medical podcasts, i can listen to doctors giving lectures on subjects like PROSTATE problems.  did you know the source of prostrate issues is a hormonal imbalance?  yes, MEN have hormonal imbalances.

i told the husband that after listening to that lecture, i am prepared to give him a prostate exam if he needs for me to.

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i like my son’s teacher this year, i think she’s learned that rather than sugar coat something, she just gets right to it.  sarcasm aside, i really do appreciate when a person is direct.  i bolded the funny.

Book-It reading logs  will be sent home tomorrow. It looks like a calendar. Please initial each day your child reads 15+ minutes.

At the end of the month, the students who meet their goals get a coupon for a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. It would be great if you could listen to your child for 5 of those minutes. It’s a great way to hear how he or she is doing.

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you know that video i’ve been talking about?  the one i am making for quicken loans? do you know how much footage i’ve created?  A SHIT TON.

am i having extremely high anxiety over something that really is NOT EVEN A BIG DEAL?  yes, i am having anxiety about it.  who knew i had a fracking phobia of a VIDEO CAMERA starring ME?

i know i seem like an obnoxious narcissist but maybe i’m not.  maybe in the person i’m shy.  maybe shy is too strong of a word.

maybe i’m just taking it entirely too seriously, i mean if i’m going to fret over something that doesn’t involve money or employment doesn’t that PROVE what a dedicated person i am?  or does it just confirm my crazy?

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lastly, after the morning drop off and dog run today, i went to copperhead island to take some pictures and then the grocery store (dogs were with me).  as i was unloading the truck sampson jumped back in and got comfortable in the front seat.

he remained there for six hours, despite the all day raining that occurred.

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i checked on him at least once an hour and he was just sleeping away.  finally about 4pm he came knocking at the front the door.

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h1n1 vaccine, to get or not to get?

November 9, 2009

we got a call on friday from the school that they are giving the h1n1 vaccine at school, for free.  i mentioned to the husband that day that i wasn’t interested in him getting the vaccine.

husband waits until early evening on sunday to tell me that he wants the boy to get the shot.  i looked over just to be sure it was the same guy i married b/c the guy i married isn’t big on medication and believes we should let our bodies do their magic and build up resistance (for most things, like colds and viruses).

we began debating the topic of the vaccine, and something inside me got a little pissed.  ok, so pissed that i go to the garage to smoke and think, “I’VE MARRIED THE COMPLETELY WRONG PERSON FOR ME”.  he can’t be against medications and then all of the sudden CHANGE ON ME!

he tells me that our son can’t afford to lose five pounds if he gets the flu.  i look at him and wonder if he’s delusional.  if our son loses five pounds, he’s not going to die.  this scenario wasn’t an acceptable argument to me.

there should be things like this on a marrying test before you get married.  i mean, we study books for driver’s education but you can go and marry anybody with no written test first.  that’s CRAZY.

i start trying to do some online research about it and mostly i find opposing views on the subject and i cannot determine fact from crazy.  i asked the internet and got a few responses on twitter and facebook.

my main reason is that the boy is rarely sick (now that i say that, he’ll  probably get sick in a few days).

i just don’t see it as a threat to us and i am not big doing something just b/c everyone else is doing it.

nor am i undermining the folks that have gotten the h1n1 virus, i got no beef with that.

when it was decided that the boy would not be circumcised, i left that completely up to the husband on account of me not having a penis.

we didn’t resolve this situation, i’m not sure what’ll happen and i’m still thinking it over.  i just believe that for some things if it’s not broken then i should just leave it be.

what do you think?  feel free to respond even if you disagree with me.  i’m looking for compelling reasons on the topic.


been taking pictures again

November 5, 2009

this was down by the boat docks, across the other side of the lake.  that’s someone’s house but i have no idea.

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this is a weird thing that shows up in my yard sometimes but this wasn’t in my yard, this was on the side of the road.  i saw it and then pulled over b/c i do that.  you never know when the light will match up again or you’ll see something the same way if you put it off.

 

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i think some people call this “the cay” but i’m not sure.  i like to take pictures of it during season changes.  (also the backdrop of one recent marriage proposal that i was asked to take pictures of.)

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another angle of the same thing as above.

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a flurry of color.

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this is another great view that i like to take pictures of.  it’s near the pool and fitness center that we go to.

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the lonely swing, void of children.

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america’s most wanted C. A. T. kilborne, my faithful companion of 17 years.

kilbourne

honkey dog sampson having a serious moment.

sampson

i just discovered the auto focus on my camera and i went nuts trying to test it out.

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i absolutely did NOTHING to this photo aside from pulling it from the camera to the pc. i took it looking up at the trees on the girls bedroom side of our house.

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tomato plant fading away with the cold (testing out that auto focus thing!).

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another angle from tomato plant.

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close up of the spearmint that i have in my garden.

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a bird’s nest i presume.

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the end.